Self Control: It Could Be Habit Forming
by Russell T. Williams
“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.”Horace Mann
“Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.”
Nathaniel Emmons
These two quotes capture both the Light and the Dark side of habitual behavior. The thread that grows to become a mighty cable of thought and action occurs in two ways: intentionally and consciously or unintentionally and unconsciously. Children, like adults, form dark habits unless they experience the intervening influence of a character mentor.
My pre-school grandson is playing in his first season of Let’s-have-fun-together soccer! It is a hoot to watch these little ones play their style of soccer…Get the ball and go! Dribble and Pass to a teammate? No way! The gratification is having the ball and scoring the goal…now. Is there team play? Well, these little ones are playing on a team. But, team play? No. Team play is about delayed gratification, an infant concept to four-year-olds. Yes, the parent coaches are talking team and those word threads of awareness will, in two years, help create the emerging habit of team play.
Just as a sports coach influences the habit of team play, character coaches shape the habit formation of Self-control. Every child’s psyche is wired with I Want It Now instant gratification. Without parental coaching in the home, teacher coaching in the classroom and community coaching in youth sports and activities, a child’s unconscious drive for gratification becomes the worst of masters, as Nathaniel Emmons states. Kids get hold of Self-control as they are consciously mentored to experience delayed gratification.
American society is constantly corrupting the lesson of Self-control. Kids and teens are coached by unconscious adult mentors who, themselves, grew up experiencing the all-pervasive collective habit that now defines America. And what is that habit? Get IT …Whatever IT is… Now…So I can Feel Good!
The mentoring required to build Self-control through delayed gratification is not a shared value in our society. Consequently, we face tough, national character problems.
How does the self control malaise get solved with America’s kids? It will happen on the playing field of thought and behavior as parents, teachers and community mentors become conscious, intentional voices to kids to experience Self-control that is defined by the theme of earning our way to feel good with choices and actions shaped by life principles.
